Hoping to be short and sweet today. Also, as always, hoping to have something of worth to say.
Last Saturday morning I woke up and I had that moment where I was like – what time is it, do I want to? I like to go to yoga Saturday mornings. I adore yoga – it soothes my spirit and it strengthens my body. Recently I found a class that resonates perfectly with what I, Anne, am looking for in a yoga class. But I had had a crazy late night and I had a client meeting at 10:45 and a full day after that and it was already 8:10 and class is at 9 (and the other times I’ve been it was a packer so if I was not early it might be hard to find a spot). What to do.
In the end I leapt out of bed, threw on my t-shirt and bottoms and headed into Ottawa. Ran around like a maniac cause we were going out Sat. night and I needed my dress and shoes and did I have any pantyhose or would I have to add buying pantyhose to the to do list. Enough. The yoga Gods were smiling on me because when I arrived there was plenty of room and I found a spot. The class began and I am here to tell you that you that rarely have I been such a baffled Barbie. In literal truth if we were meant to facing forward I ended up facing backwards, if we were moving right I alone was moving left, over instead of under, etc. I think even the teacher was confounded by my…. And I had a moment where I realized that I had not realized how much I do watch the teacher for cues because I was off to the side (in my Anne selected spot) and I really could not see to follow. There was no balance and just the entire class was a struggle. I also was 100% not present in the class as I was thinking about what was next, what had to be crossed off the to do list, why could I not relax, and so on. At one moment we were lying on our mats and I in my baggy t-shirt, zillion year old ratty sports bra that I cannot give up cause I can’t find anything as good, yoga pants that are pilling on the inside of the thigh and I observed the class. A class full of gorgeous and lithe yogis and yoginis all of whom I was certain could tell left from right. All of whom can no doubt get their heels down in downward dog.
Fortunately for me sense prevailed. I had a moment where I thought – Anne! Stop the hamster brain. You know nothing about any of these folks and each and everyone of them all have their own story. Who knows what is going on in their lives underneath the surface. That woman ahead of you at the cash who is slow counting out her change? Maybe last year she had a stroke and now struggles with cognitive issues. The awesome bartender at the roadhouse? His Mom died 1 year ago today and it’s backing up on him but he’s at work making sangrias cause what are you gonna do.
All of us are dealing with joy and with darkness. As humans we much prefer the joy. There is always darkness. Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain both killed themselves this week.
They killed themselves.
On the surface – both were people we might assume were living lives of joy. Darkness does not care if you are professionally successful, have huge bank account, have a partner who loves you. The darkness just whispers incessantly in your ear. Not worthy, not worthy.
“Fuck these shadows and the lies they tell, whispering to gentle hearts in their own voice, skewing reality, weighing down spirits, until their body becomes the burning building their soul must jump from. How do you battle an enemy made of your skin that wears armour made of your skin and scent? One that knows your secrets and has a map of your unhealed wounds?” Bunmi Laditer, @HonestToddler
We seem to be living through times of upheaval and strife. If you are reading this, do something nice for someone today. Would you? If you see someone and you think maybe – maybe the darkness is whispering extra loud for them – reach out to them. Be a human. Good character and a positive outlook doesn’t cure diabetes and it doesn’t cure mental health issues either. If you need help and can reach out for yourself.
Ottawa Crisis Line
613-238-3311
Longer term
http://www.herbgeek.com/herbs-for-depression-eight-herbalists-share-strategies/